I had my version of a panic attack last night around midnight. I was trying to go to sleep and completely stressing out about today. Thane was going on his first ever school field trip. I agreed to drive because I noticed there weren’t many minivans . . . but I did say that I didn’t want to participate once there because I thought I might hinder Thane’s enjoyment of the trip or cause him to act up. After yesterday’s pick up, I really felt like the trip was doomed to be a failure if I showed my face for any part of it.
Dave stepped in and went in my place. It was nice of him, and the guys had a good time. He gets an extra bonus for taking a camera and getting a couple of pictures for me.
Dave was more pro-active about issues relating to Thane’s school than usual today – he spoke with a few of the teachers and one-on-ones about how stressed I was feeling about the physical fight Thane is giving when it is time to leave. While I wasn’t sleeping, I figured out that part of the issue might simply be that he was used to being outside playing at pick-up time . . . it would explain why he is initially happy to see me and then turns mean. So we may work something out where he stays a little extra time on the playground and then I take him home.
Our social worker came today and I spoke with her about it. I had asked her to pop in and see how he was doing because he won’t let me. She has been working with us for two years now, so I am comfortable with her and her feedback. She actually stayed most of the school day (morning) observing. She told me where he was having troubles, what the teachers were working on, and really that considering it has only been two weeks he is doing very, very well.
She also agreed that he is probably letting loose on me because he is working so hard during the day and it is a lot of effort – and mama is safety. I don’t know why it has been hurting my feelings this week, but it has. Maybe because I’m sick and the stuff I am taking is giving me a constant headache. He was absolutely beautiful for horseback riding this afternoon – he even climbed the mounting blocks by himself. Then he led his team around the riding area looking for puzzle pieces to complete a puzzle. We got his report from the first session and he got a wonderful write-up because of his steady improvement and growing acceptance of taking direction. He is very cute while he waits because I reminded him he needed to be patient, but he was really struggling with the wait. It amazes me how hard he pushes himself beyond his comfort zone. I think that inner strength will serve him very well!